An Intercepted Letter

My dear Germwood,

While I admire your ability to excell in the area of your namesake, let me remind you that yours is not the ONLY method for destroying the Enemies followers. Inflicting the sorry sap with illness upon illness will surely stretch his 'spiritual' life very thin- hopefully too thin! But be careful. I have read in the Great History of Darkness, (vol 666, I think) where breaking a man down too far with one affliction has backfired- and horribly! We almost had that rat Augustine, pains and lusts nearly sealed this great man to our services. But that strange Event occured- that must be chalked up to 'anomoly'- and we not only lost him, but he went on to reak havok among our ranks. And the testimony to his greatness is obvious by considering his very present effect on men- 1600-1700 yrs later! The point is this: you are assigned to a much weaker, much lesser man. Though your speacialty is infirmities many greater than you have overdone it, to thier own destruction, and lost their patient. But I will not deny you the temporary basking you deserve pertaining to your most recent report, namely, that your patient has incurred another sickness! I never would have thought, 14 years ago, when you were first assigned to him, that such a floodgate of infirmities would be found in one who claims that Awful Encounter. There is always present that childish enjoyment of observing the immediate results of your handywork. Only, dont be a fool and consider that as the success... just merely a teaser for the final victory if you continue to follow my advice.

A problem may arise though, if you focus only on his sickness. It's good to inflict pain and distract the patient- but remember what the great Screwtape said, "smaller, more subtle sins and distractions are the most enjoyable path to lead one to hell". The real fun is seeing how well you can mislead them- without their noticing it! Oh what an ally we have in Apathy! They are so consumed with 'life' that they dont have time to worry about the 'after-life'! It's quite a kingdom we have in the American culture, you know: so busy with 'legitimate' things. They are actually convinced that it is their duty to attend to everything else but their...(shiver)... prayer life. We have them saying, "God gave me a brain, I better use it." and they indulge in their worldly wisdom, thinking they are doing God's service. We also have them believing that their own family is more important than the Church. They find the commands, "unless you hate Father, Mother Brother, etc" so offensive and embarrassing that they just ignore it. That fact alone has given us continual access to the saints. They havent yet realized that truly loving their family is to give them up to God. They still, for all their many songs and claims of devotion, really consider their love as the love. The revelation of the Church is presently our greatest fear these days. Never- never!- let it become anything better than a "Social Club" a "Family Model" or anything like the Elks and Moose Lodges. For those sickening saints to realize the Implication* (see publishers note at bottom) is to be plunged immediately into a battle that we cannot win, and much suffering accompanies our loss.

They go to a church based on their own God-given (hee-hee!) preferences, and if they like this or that- or don't like this or that- then that is the standard by which they will attend that church! I have had many students who have so infected their patient with themselves -the patient- that they will only listen to a teaching that confirms - not only what they already believe - but the teaching also has to be delivered in a way that accomodates their immediate mood! Can you believe it?! The hearers will only listen to that which they already think they know, and it has to be heard in a way that is entertaining to them, in that moment! The easy game of fickelness allows us to have much fun in this arena. So, even the few patients that have defeated us at times are really of no lasting threat because they don't play by the rules that the hearers demand. All we have to do is keep them in line- keep their ears itching, (hee-hee!). There are Teachers who would be dangerous if they were listened to. Some Teachers seem to repeat their point over and over, they dont have 'charisma', and often aren't eloquent and engaging, (Why it is that the Enemy won't recognize the weakness of this strategy and employ stronger, wiser, more eloquent men, we know not-but we aren't suprized that it is so. He actually seems to delight in these morons!) The boredom it produces is our only defence against a devastating defeat! If those hearers were ever to apply themselves to the things they are taught in the simple Gosp-- Gos-- Gospe--- that cursed message(!) we would have quite a battle on our hands, quite a battle! Never let the hearers get beyond their emotions and their perceived entitlement to be entertained in religious matters, and the Day is ours!

Have you noticed, young Germwood, the absence of any consideration of God or their fellow men? The whole code of that miserable Christian faith- to love their God with all their heart, mind, soul and strength; and to love their neigbor as themselves- is secondary, if considered at all! The devils in the Self-Focus department have really made excellent use of the new technologies of the last century. We have successfully innoculated them from really thinking they have to obey the central commandments of their Faith! But they still claim it! Ha-ha! We will surely see many more of these actors than we think. Than they think. Since The Enemy is holy (and it behooves you to remember well that He is) how can any one of these losers ever end up with Him?!!! No, I suspect our work will pay off in dividends, what a great day it will be when they all stand before God and realize that they are, and always have been, hopeless.

But, back your fool. Don't overwhelm him with physical infirmities. Definately keep them coming, but use the weakness it creates in order to lead him to more destructive sins. When he is weak and frustrated, remind him of his past, his failures and his habits in particular. These weak people always run to their habits when they feel lost. If that doesn't work, emphasize the flaws of his FRIENDS and FAMILY- he will start to be their judge, so supply him with plenty of spiritual linguistics, that way there begins to be a wedge in the Body Life. It matters not how or what is used to drive this wedge. It doesn't matter if your patient is right or wrong in his judgement. It doesn't matter how big the event is- just as long as it happens. Use every judgement of the patient as a means for increasing his pride. He judges his friends motives, and when his friend fails (as they always will at some point) he is justified in feeling his life superior. He doesn't have to say "I told you so" just as long as he can think it. As his frustration with one or two friends grows, introduce another friend. This third friend should really be the spiritually stronger friend. Here is why; usually, if it's a one-on-one, this tertiary friend will be the wiser one, convicting his friend- but! If your patient has some good momentum going, if his bitterness and pride have been stewing and strengthening for awhile, we might be able to actually use your weaker patient to contribute to the destruction of the stronger! It's like David and Goliath! Just never let them realize that they are intended to be more like David and Jonathan!

But alas! Your report also makes you sound like a freshman; giddy and full of himself, as if you are going to win the battle single-clawed-ly. While zeal is necessary, I wonder if you are at all suited for this man. You said, and I quote, "It seems I am able to create stife among his family and friends over the smallest infraction. Many times there really is no infraction, just a misunderstanding or a pre-supposed offence. I am certain to personally grab this man after his final breath and claw him into my deeps." I wish I knew how to write a long, disappointing silence! I wish I could put down on paper that which you will only know in pain when you come in from the field! You idiot! Conflict is as much our enemy as it is our friend. In fact it can very quickly become more an enemy than we would care to have! I am not a devil with great perceptive ability, but I, even I, can almost hear your snivelling little squeak of a voice, "What? I learned in Elementary School that conflict is the way to destroy the Enemy?" Isn't it true!? Isn't that your thought?! Welcome to the Real Underworld! Perhaps the best way to make you feel the embarassment of such a philosophy will be to give an example....

....S. and L. go to the same church, they don't interact much because neither of them are involved at all in any ministry whatsoever. The devils assigned to them are able to relax and enjoy the slow death. But then, one Sunday, the Pastor makes a plea for people to join in the cause of a potentially dangerous (for us) ministry. There is a slight stir inside S. and L. - independant of one another. They both decide to investigate, and as they do their 'slight stir' begins to develop into a desire to serve. This unfortunate turn of events has caught the devils off gaurd- so they quickly regroup. The S. devil does many things to point out the very obvious flaws in L. and L.'s devil is doing great in amplifying them. By the time that S. and L. are put on the same team for the ministry there is already an underlying dislike that S. has for L. but they proceed to work.
As time passes there are instances where the dislike surfaces in conflict, and the devils are relishing such discord! (as you would too, I'm sure). Soon, to their great shock and terror, when they have over-played the coinflict card, a strange event takes place at the very climax of our would-be victory; Somehow, (and our R&D team still hasn't figured it out) a disgusting Weight of Glory shrouds our veiw, we can hear voices, but to our terror, they get progressively calmer- there is a Common Being Who dwells in each of them, and it is this One, seemingly eminating from the two, who is binding them together, the Shroud covers all offences and sins, the very ammunition of our battle is laying useless! Only after a long and painful (for us) waiting, the cloud begins to lift. We see their feet, now their legs, now waists--- my Devil! they are in an embrace that all the power of Hell cannot seperate! It is Disgusting, Horrifying. They are two- and two that should have been at each others throats- they are two, bound together by One! That is where your precious 'conflict' often ends! What's worse is that the resolved conflict now creates a bond that is greater than if they had never known each other! So listen to me clearly! Do not neglect what I am about to say: Conflict is good, but only as a temporary weapon. Use it only to plant seeds, then abandon it. It will be tempting to encourage and watch the show, but we are dealing with a strange Power that often, (I hate to admit it), pulls the Hell right out from under our feet!



Your salivating, yet affectionate father,
Wormwood.



*Publishers Note: The Implication, as I seem to understand, is the Reality of the Church Body. That which is imputed to us in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper. The living, organic life that requires impossible sustaining Power to remain unified. When the saints treat the Church as any kind of human organization, they are relying on the possible power that naturally comes from humans; some more or less charismatic or strong personalities seem to excell for a time better than others. But when the saints recognize - not merely intellectually, but to the point of action - that the Body is really an 'other worldly' Spirit that dwells in and unites- and requires- all those who call on Jesus, and that recognition forces them into a tension that requires the Lord to be the Lord, else we perish- that is the beginnings of the Implication. I understand from other literature of similar nature that the devils will be happy to allow a church to be 'successful' in any other sense of the word than what is basically above described. The Implication, to them, is the event of witnessing the Holy Spirit of God Himself operating in multiple saints simutaniously, all for a united purpose. It is the gathering of the redeemed, found in everyday, (otherwise) normal life, in Christ, that strikes fear and terror into that realm that seeks to literally destroy us.

Thoughts on Time

I once saw time heading straight towards me.
Bound and determined to pass by all in Its way
Hungrily eating everything It could see
Leaving a trail of unchangeable day after day

Time has no regrets itself -- it only provides
For those it has eaten -- a history of tears
Time has no ambition, it just constantly slides
Through our lives unwelcomed and slowing down, I fear,

As the World gets thicker with the Sludge of Sin
Accomplishments and Actions are more abundantly done
And the Path of Light for Time grows more and more thin
Till the final Trump Day comes then Time will be done

So, Eternity, I see in the moment, at least
Is not merely an excess of time
But the end of this blind, ravenous Beast
And the beginning of Life divine

My Utmost for His Highest

August 4th

The brave comradeship of God

note: The Black text is Chambers' devotional, the blue text is my thoughts on them

Men He took unto Him the twelve. Luke 18:31.

The bravery of God in trusting us! I don't know if this is a forgotten responsibility, or if it is one that is just taken for granted, but without doubt, it is one that should be restored to its proper place. I don't know the debts of this reality, but I am becoming more aware of the fact that God has narrowed and limited the revelation of himself to the world as the task of the church. He very well may still appear in his glory, revealed himself in mysterious ways, and fulfill his will, by means that appeared to be outside of the scope of the church. But the bottom line is that he has required and empowered a single agency to manifest his manifold glory -- not merely to our fellow men -- but primarily to the principalities and powers in heavenly places. It is true that God's will shall be done, but part of the glory of that statement is that he insists on accomplishing that will through men and women, who are redeemed by his blood, yet still as fallible as any human being. It would indeed be glorious enough, if God chose to fulfill his will apart from man, nay, even in spite of him. But the terrible truth is that God has entrusted us. But as always, his requirement comes with the power necessary to fulfill that requirement. Everything hinges on our understanding and agreement with the word "necessary". This word encompasses the issue of life and death. As the following section of this devotion will address, the foundational qualification for legitimate use by God is our understanding of our position. Self-sufficiency or inability. You say—‘But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing in me; I am not of any value.’ That is why He chose you. Let us be aware that there is a very real false humility that can compel us to say this very thing. It is almost natural speak humbly of ourselves, all the while not doubting for a second our own capability and self-sufficiency. True humility is born out of a complete lack of self-consciousness. It is not the self defacing, self denigrating attitude that lowers oneself in the sight of others in order to gain the confidence and admiration of others. True humility is what allowed Moses to write of himself, "now Moses was the meekest man on earth." The only way that we can truly say, "there is nothing in me; I am not of any value." is when we are shown our complete lack by God, and not what we perceive it as expedient to our image. So, once we have come to the place where we can really and truly say, "I am of no value", then we can proceed in this devotion and in our devotion. As long as you think there is something in you, God cannot choose you because you have ends of your own to serve; "self-sufficiency" -- what an alluring and deadly thing -- so natural, so comfortable. When we are self-sufficient, we are the only ones we trust. No matter how humble or sincere we sound, no matter how spiritual, how loyal, or how noble the vocabulary, we betray, we have our own ends to serve when we are yet self-sufficient. ("Lord, though I die with you. I will not deny you." This is spiritual self-sufficiency. In effect, this says, "Lord, there is a strength and power in me that you don't know about; I have to tell you, you are mistaken. My self-sufficient commitment to you has more value than your own word that says I will deny you." Peter’s affirmation of his own ability to remain faithful to Christ sounded so loving, so loyal, that if we didn't know the rest of the story, we would admire this man and seek to emulate him. Watch for our own self-sufficient declarations of loyalty, for they will always leave us cursing and weeping bitterly. In that moment of denial, Peter's self-sufficient claims to loyalty only added to his misery as they echoed in the background of his mind with his eyes met with Jesus’. Spiritual self-sufficiency is nothing more than a thinly disguised self-love. It is a love that what rather have Jesus's words fail than our own image of ourselves suffer loss. We must be careful of what we say, lest our own words end up being the very words that condemn us. But if you have let Him bring you to the end of your self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him to Jerusalem, and that will mean the fulfilment of purposes which He does not discuss with you. This is the painful and humiliating necessity for any man that would follow him, follow him to the Cross. But it is by this necessity that God comes to trust us. When we cease being ourselves, and begin being the men and women that God has called us to be, we can then live the reality of the great claims of our faith that we can only nervously speak now.

We are apt to say that because a man has natural ability, therefore he will make a good Christian. It is not a question of our equipment but of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a question of natural virtues, of strength of character, knowledge, and experience—all that is of no avail in this matter. Lord, if I can understand that statement to the extent that it effects my daily living, then I can walk through this life, confidently humble, as a giant among men, (that serves men), resting in peace and faith that You are the author and finisher, the beginning and the end, and truly the ‘all in all’ that, as of now, I can only appreciate as one that is on the outside. The only thing that avails is that we are taken up into the big compelling of God and made His comrades (cf. 1 Cor. 1:26-30). The comradeship of God is made up out of men who know their poverty. He can do nothing with the man who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not out for our own cause at all, we are out for the cause of God, which can never be our cause. Isn't it true that, when we state our commitment to God and his cause, we immediately begin to make our cause? We subsume, we grab, we take the thing that is God’s and make it our own. And when it has become our possession, we can control the cause of God and the extent that it interferes with our lives. This is the motive for making God's cause our cause. It is only the wicked servant, who intends on usurping his master, that takes as his own his master's power, benefits, and cause. But it is the faithful servant, who intends on glorifying his master, that receives his master's power, benefits, and cause for the purpose of accomplishing his masters will and returning all that was given him as those who will receive their crowns only to cast them at His feet. This is a man who is unattached. This is a servant who cannot be bribed, bought, or persuaded to take unto himself his masters cause. This servant can go out, not knowing his destination, in complete faith that he is being led to fulfill the very plan and purpose of God. This is a servant that God delights to trust. This is the servant that can manifest the manifold wisdom of God to the principalities and powers in heavenly places. No self-sufficient servant can ever do such a thing, he cannot even intend or desire to do such a thing, for he has his own cause to fulfill. We do not know what God is after, but we have to maintain our relationship with Him whatever happens. Not knowing is the blessing and mercy of God. To insist on knowing before acting is to reveal that we never really trusted in the first place. Not knowing places the premium entirely on faith. When we do not know, and yet we still obey, we speak to all powers and man, (yea, even God Himself!) that it matters not what our Lord may do or require of us, for we are not our own, we have been bought with a very precious price. We must never allow anything to injure our relationship with God; (I only want to ask if this matters or not? Is our concern with our relationship to God only based on how it effects us? That is, do we only seek to maintain and secure good relations with God when it is convenient or profitable for us? Not in the most obvious ways, but in subtle. I want my concern for my relationship with God based solely on God’s side of it. Does it profit Him? Is it glorifying Him? Does it advance His Kingdom? Am I obeying- even when there is nobody looking- even when there is no prospect of reward or even recognition?) if it does get injured, we must take time and get it put right. The main thing about Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship. (If I only repeated that last statement, it would be enough. ‘Take time’?!?!?! What an obnoxious thing to ask! When is the last time we ‘took time’? Not the bedtime prayers as we drift off to sleep. Not the quick and habitual ‘grace’ spoken through salivating mouths before a meal. Not the drive in the car on the way to work with the ‘worship music’ playing. Not Bible studies. Not church attendance. Not service in the church. Not ministry outside of the church. Not pot-luck dinners. Not coincidental meetings of brothers and sisters outside of church. When is the last time we ‘TOOK time’? When the door was shut and locked, when the shades were drawn. When every- EVERY task, legitimate or not, was deliberately set aside. When it was a sacrifice. When there were better, more productive things to do. When family issues that required attention were put on hold. When was the last time that you intentionally stopped everything, against all logic and common sense, locked yourself in the room/closet, started praying in your chair, 20 min later were on your knees, an hour later on you face, desiring to be no other place than right where you were, inhaling all the wonderful things that carpets hold, but having the very Breath of Heaven breathed into your spirit? When was the last time we took- TOOK- violently TOOK if necessary- time and gave it entirely to Him with no conditions or requirements, no masks or excuses? Now Chambers says)… That is all God asks us to look after, and it is the one thing that is being continually(!) assailed.

My Utmost for His Highest

August 02

The discipline of difficulty

note: The Black text is Chambers' devotional, the blue text is my thoughts on them

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33.

An average view of the Christian life is that it means deliverance from trouble. It is deliverance in trouble, which is very different. Do you see the difference here? Deliverance from trouble is avoidance, deliverance in trouble is overcoming. This understanding determines the difference between a saint who hears "well done good and faithful servant." Or "depart from me, you wicked and lazy servant." “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High. . . there shall no evil befall thee”—no plague can come nigh the place where you are at one with God. No plague can come nigh, because what is trouble outside of Gods presence is the opportunity for glory in God's presence.

If you are a child of God, there certainly will be troubles to meet, but Jesus says do not be surprised when they come. Not only should we not be surprised when trouble comes, but we should "be of good cheer." This runs parallel to James saying "count it all joy.", and Jesus saying "rejoice when you suffer for my names sake." This spiritual condition is what allowed the apostle Paul to count all his afflictions quite "light and momentary" being in the presence of God now gives the saint a foretaste of the glory to come. When this glory is revealed, we can "be of good cheer" we can "count it all joy." “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world, there is nothing for you to fear.” Being in the presence of God is dwelling in perfect love, and "perfect love casts out all fear." We must understand that "not fearing" does not mean that we become courageous, it means that fearing is impossible. Courage is only needed when we act in the face of fear, being in the presence of God is to act in the absence of fear. Courage is possible with man, acting in the absence of fear is possible only with God. Men who before they were saved would scorn to talk about troubles, often become ‘fushionless’ after being born again because they have a wrong idea of a saint.

God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength. Are you asking God to give you life and liberty and joy? He cannot, unless you will accept the strain. This is because life, liberty and joy are best expressed only in the face of the strain, in the face of tribulation. We can have life, liberty and joy in the face of trial, trouble and tribulation, because we see these things as the opportunity for the glory of God, and our desire for his glory is greater than our desire for our comfort. Until we get to this place, we will struggle to have life, liberty and joy.. Immediately you face the strain, you will get the strength. Overcome your own timidity and take the step, and God will give you to eat of the tree of life and you will get nourishment. If you spend yourself out physically, you become exhausted; but spend yourself spiritually, and you get more strength. God never gives strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute. This is because the nourishment from the tree of life is living, it's flowing, it's constantly new. It's never stale, it never stays. It is there for the moment to be employed or ignored- and it is gone. This is a great blessing for us, because it takes the burden of all our future moments off of us, not in an irresponsible way, but in a way that allows us to have faith that he will provide the same tree of life for our future moments The temptation is to face difficulties from a commonsense standpoint. Common sense is the poison of the Christian life. Common sense makes all the miracles of God, which is the only realm in which God works, a mere fancy. It makes them something that we can look at and admire, but only from a distance. It's like, we are here in the real world, but we comfort ourselves with the thought that somewhere, sometime, somehow God did these amazing things, but it's distant from us, it's in "that other world." Common sense is what takes the miracle out of God, and makes him someone that we can contain, someone that we can control, someone who ends up looking an awful lot like us. Common sense allows us to hold God to our standards, it allows us to demand that God acts in a way that we can understand, predict, and determine. It is, in short, us apprehending God instead of God apprehending us. It is the truth living for us, instead of us living for the truth. It is us creating God in our own image, instead of seeing that we are created in God's image. Common sense is nothing more or other than our refusal to take God as he is, and our insistence on making him as we want Him to be. The commonsense God will always be understood, he will always be predictable, and he will never demand of us anything more than that which we could do without him. The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God.

Psalm 130, well, the first few verses.

I suppose this question I have is representative of the quiet crisis that I'm going through. I just don't think that my local fellowship is interested in considering this. As precious as they are, they do get uncomfortable very easily. They like having their ducks in a row- it's a sign that they have their act together with God and man. I'm not so sure that I even have ducks. I feel very frustrated and I'm unable to articulate it to myself or others.

Just as a backdrop, I usually do 'the Psalm of the Day" as one of my devotions. I started a couple years back, Psalm 1, then just did one whole Psalm a day. This is one of the few habits I have that I am actually thankful for. This morning in my devotion, Psalm 130 was the Psalm of the day on my schedule. I read verse 4, kind of like I had read the previous verse- mechanically. But when 4 was read, I couldn't go on. Something in my habitual man recognized a contradiction and was so shocked by it's implications that I could not go on. I never did finsh the Psalm.
The words 'forgiveness' and 'fear' just stuck out like two great sore thumbs on the same hand. I didn't like the way they were related to each other. No, it was more. What bothered me was the way they were bound together. Yeah, that's it. It was as if the one is lacking, so is the other one. If they were related I could just admire the concise correct-ness of it and read on. 'THAT Thou may be feared'- but if they are inextricably bound I have to do more than 'admire', and for more reasons than its 'concise correct-ness'.

Fear has never been related with forgiveness in my life- much less bound. My 'forgiveness' allows me to verbalize my actions of sin and experience a certain (emotional, if nothing else)release from any consequential feelings. I'm able to finish my prayer and get up and walk away feeling....... something. I don't know what that feeling is, but I know it's not fear. It's almost the opposite of fear- almost. It's not blatant disrespect. It's as if I feel totally justified in confessing and asking forgiveness and then just go on in my life, like I did the necessary thing, I did the right thing in asking for forgiveness, but it doesn't matter after I say 'amen'. And whatever feeling or intention of asking for forgiveness was there in the prayer, is left in the prayer. Your 'amen' confirms something before God and in your spirit. My 'amen' is just the audible line of separation between my spiritual life and my real life. When I pray and seek the Lord, I really mean it. When I'm not praying or seeking- I really mean that too. I don't want that. It's false. And I think it has something to do with verse 4. With the unity of forgiveness and fear. It's something that has to permeate the whole of my life. Not just when I'm in spiritual mode. I'm recognizing that I treat forgiveness like an accessory on my utility belt. I really like it when I need it. But that's the only time it is valuable to me. I think that the 'fear' thing is what makes this, THIS -->(130:4), 'forgiveness' the real one. THIS 'forgiveness' is not bound or hindered by my 'amen'. THIS Forgiveness kicks down the dead-bolt door that I've used as security. THIS Forgiveness breaks through my "amen"-violently- and floods and fills my life, my existence, not just my requirement for correct 'reformation' doctrine. The fear is what completes and empowers THIS forgiveness. The fear of God. My present 'forgiveness' is completed by fear... the fear of punishment, the fear of being a bad Christian, all kinds of fears that probably aren't really healthy, or at least first priority. It is probably good to have a certain fear of punishment, of being a bad Christian, but should any fear ever trump the fear of God?

So this is my question, if I haven't already asked it; what is THIS fear all about? I thought I feared God, but if 'my' forgiveness is so warped- what makes me think for a second that I can rely on 'I think I fear God'? How is true fear known? I know now that it's not something I conjure up out of myself.i know it's not something I agree with intellectually. What is true, godly fear all about? I feel very naked and stripped now that I don't have it. You know that immediate sense of desperation that sweeps over you when something so familiar is suddenly revealed to be fake, that 'gasp' that makes everything stop- including your heart- when you realize that all along you have looked and played the fool? I don't want a doctrine of the fear of God- that's what got me in this fix in the first place, well, at least my handling of that doctrine. if I understand the basics of the eschatalogical scenario that's approaching, this does have a very practical, fundamental part in all that. I think this is addressing the issue of character and quality of service and life, which is what the success of the whole scenario is going to hinge on.

At Heaven's Gate With Smooth Skin

I don't know. I don't know. For the past 5 years specifically, but even longer, I have flipped and flopped back and forth on this issue, but rarely ever teaching or speaking about it. Sometimes, "Yes, there will be a pre-trib rapture", and sometimes, with equal authority and scripture reference, "No, there is no pre-trib rapture." But I don't know, there are an awful lot of people that are banking on it. A lot of ministries' credibility is riding on it. I myself am blessed by folks like Watchman Nee, Hal Lindsey, Chuck Missler, and many others like. And while all their credibility is not riding totally on it, some have made it such a cornerstone of their ministry that if we are left behind, a lot of folks are going to feel taken.

So, what now? more debate? More scripture beating? No, not any longer. Just a couple weeks ago my position on this crystallized. It was one of those events that you know are inseparable with the whole of your life up until that point, and yet it still stands out alone. What the event produced in me is a prayer that I never would have prayed before, no matter what side of the issue I was on. I intend to articulate at least the spirit of the prayer if not the actual letter of it.

"Lord, I thank You for the Cross. I thank You for the history that you have granted this generation. All the giants that went before, each contributing their own part in this cosmic drama, have all upheld the Faith that now lies on this generation of Christians to faithfully complete that which was begun in them.
"Now, Lord, I may be asking amiss, and I pray not against Your will, but here is my request: Leave me behind. If you do come to take away the church before the Great Tribulation, passover me if You can. I know I'm risking ingratitude, but it's not that I'm at all ungrateful. I have two reasons for my request;
"Firstly, and I must be honest, even if it be construed as selfish, I have the greatest fear of entering eternity with smooth skin. Who will be ashamed but him who has no scars? What giants of old, that turned the world upside-down, did so unscathed? And I also mention You, my Lord. Marred more than any man, no beauty that we should desire You. It seems, almost, that the value and impact of one's life on earth can be properly, and at least partly, estimated by the scars they bear! So, Lord, I can think of nothing more embarrassing, nothing more to be pitied than to be in eternity, looking back on the temporal, and finding that I avoided that temporary pain and suffering to my eternal shame. I don't want any regrets in eternity. What fools and cowards does Time make of men! And how is it we are ignorant and indifferent about Eternity?! I can bear the regrets of my past sins and failures, for You, O Lord, are my Peace. But will You say to a lazy and slothful servant, 'Well done!'? No. Am I more concerned with the crowd of accusers here on earth? or the cloud of witnesses above? Do I want to strive now to be in the same company as Your great servants in eternity, or to be in the company of the merry makers here on earth? I know, Lord, if You answer my request, that I will, at times of great suffering, regret I ever made this request. But I also know that it will only be my Flesh that regrets it, and therefore is fit to suffer more , even unto death.
"My second reason for asking exemption from the rapture is that I have fallen hopelessly in Love with mankind. Not in some sappy, sentimental love that lumps men together so generally that they have no face, but in a way that I cannot look on any individual without praying for their salvation from hell. In that way that, only less, (if I'm not being too presumptuous) even caused You to take on flesh. Not that I don't ever feel ill towards another. No, it is not some ethereal, floaty, imperturbable Love, for I am still very human, but who will be here to help the lost? Who will be a voice for You during those years? Will not a single heart in those final years be softened toward You? What man will be able to show forth the Love of God if we are all 'up there' watching Your wrath be poured out? I know there will be 144,000 of Israel for Your specific purpose, but who of the Church 'Age'? If there is such a thing. Lord, hear my heart speak more than my faltering words. Amen."

...and that's that.

The event that caused all this was nothing less than the fact that eternity, and that in Heaven, has been made terribly real to me. There's nothing else to it. The event itself should not be talked about. But this is it's fruit. Something in this area has forever changed in my nature.

I know I risk sounding dramatic, but I still mean it. I know my theological thought process on this issue can certainly be discredited, but I still mean it. That's fine. I'm not trying to convince anyone. I am only publishing this prayer because I feel I need to make some sort of public declaration as to where I stand, for better or worse. I want to be in Heaven and have something to show for it. I'm not going to intentionally look to suffer for it's own sake, but if I were to live a life in Christ, and the world hates Christ, then it should hate me. And Revelation speaks of nothing less than a world rebelling against all that is called God. I will be ashamed if I die without scars for His names sake. If I go through this life, professing to be a Christian, and yet bearing nothing of His suffering, I would do better to not name His name at all.

What is the end of Hebrew 11 about anyways? Those last two verses are very provocative.

So that is my prayer request concerning the rapture. Let no man bother me anymore about it's probability or improbability. I've made myself clear, so it matters not to me.

Just let me not arrive at Heavens Gate with smooth skin.

The Personal Savior

I am beginning to think more and more of the problem of the Personal Savior. What I'm about to try to articulate will run the very real risk of being misunderstood and misjudged. If you will judge this, I want it to at least be judged as it was intended.

The phrase "Jesus, your personal Lord and Saviour" occurs nowhere in the Bible. I'm ok with that. There are many other terms that we all use and agree upon that are not written that way in scripture. But I have to feel out this issue because lately my spirit has been recoiling everytime I hear the invitation or claim "...Jesus, my personal Lord and Saviour." Why is it that this term has become so embedded in our vocabulary? I ask because I suspect that we are missing out on a lot when we subscribe to this mentality.

Here is my one-time disclaimer that will attempt to avoid misunderstanding; I do believe that every individual will have to stand before God and be found 'in Christ" or "not in Christ" and on that basis be eternally sentenced. I will not go to hell for your sin, you will not go to heaven because of someone elses righteousness in Christ.

There is something lacking by making the statement; "my personal Lord and Saviour". The best I can describe it right now is something akin to the retort, "am I my brothers keeper?" Like, what business do I have talking about a 'personal Lord and Saviour' if I am truly loving the brethern? It's not a lie to say, "Jesus died for me" but it's almost like we can use that in a way that allows us to isolate ourselves in our own belief. By saying "my personal Lord and Saviour" I am making it known that; no matter what happens to you, or what you believe, I will always be safe here with my personal Lord and Saviour. While that's true, technically, it shows the temperment that we have toward our brothers

What if God Listened

I wonder what what would happen if God listened to us?

I sometimes get the feeling that we speak so freely and so rapturously of God because we know deep down that He really isn't listening, or at least doesn't take us too seriously.

Before the objections come, let me explain; how else can we justify the words that we sing every service at church while 'worshiping'? Just go through the lyrics of some of the songs that you sing and consider what you are really saying to and about God.

"All I want is what You want for me!"

"You are my everything" or "You are my all in all"

"You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed.... You are my desire, nothing else will do, nothing else could take Your place, to feel the warmth of Your embrace" Really!?

Is He really all that you want? All that you want? What if His embrace isn't warm? What if there is a sin that you will not repent of? What if your prayers only hit the ceiling? What happens now that you don't feel this embrace that supposedly is irreplaceable? Do we know what we are saying when we speak of desire?

Now<>

My Longing for Mystery and Miracle

"For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim reflection, but then we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part, but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood by God."

~Apostle Paul~

We are now so good at playing religion that we have no more need for Mystery and Miracle. Everything that was at one time unfathomably incomprehensible and beyond imagination, everything that lies just beyond the realm of description, has now become the mundane, the boring, the common, and the familiar. There is no longer a Mystery of the Faith. We should not take this to mean that we have figured it all out. But it should be a haunting reminder that somewhere along the lines we have missed it. An all-knowing God that is all known is no God at all. An all-powerful God is under our control is no God at all. An all present God who is absent in our sin is no God at all. And yet, this is the God that we have; a God that we know all about, are able to control, and is only present when needed in situations that are beyond our control and power.

We serve a God that we have made, who is exactly what we would be if we were God, this is why we have no fear of this God. He is no threat, he is only what we desire we could be. And who is afraid of his own dream of glory? We would fear a God that we did not know all about; a God who still had more to Him than we could see and know. That God would be a terror to many and a comfort to some. Yet that is the true God. To properly fear God is to understand that in our knowing Him we still only know in part. He has revealed Himself, but He is beyond our capability to comprehend; and we cannot even properly define that which we can comprehend.

I wonder if that until we see God as One, Known and Unknown, we will not truly see Him at all. We see Him now in His 'attributes'; Wrath, Mercy, Love, Judgement, Jealousy etc... As long as we see Him in part, and consider that part as the whole, we are condemned to create an idol, a false god, and he will be just what we need. But he will not be true God. And herein lies the Mystery, the Miracle. It takes Faith to recognise the part that God has revealed as One, knowing that there is still more to Him. Even though we now know only in part, it is Faith that allows us, nay, compels us, to take God at His Word that He is One. We see now Three persons, He says He is One. Why doesn't this make people more uncomfortable? We see now a God who is angry and full of wrath, now a God who is full of mercy, now a God who is distant and silent, now a God who is very near and speaking, now a pillar of fire, now a pillar of cloud. The danger is not that we know only in part, the danger is making the part to seem as the whole. This is where we do away with Mystery and Miracle.

The Mystery of the Faith is no more, we act as though we know in 'whole', the Miracle of Faith is no more, we act as if logic and reason constitute a solid foundation for being a Christian. Reason is the servant of Revelation, logic must give way to Faith. We do check our brains at the door when we come to church. I say 'our' brain at the door, and pick up and put on the mind of Christ. Remember the preaching of the Cross is foolishness. Revelation has everything to do with Mystery and Miracle. Revelation is God's choosing to show Himself in part. I say only in part because we cannot know fully now, try as we may. Moses, seeing the glory of God pass by, could only survive if God passed with His back turned to him. That Revelation is what allowed the writer of Hebrews to say Moses esteemed the reproach of Christ better than all the riches of Egypt. The world makes us feel ashamed if we can't logically prove our Faith, and we fall for it. We try so hard to prove the Faith using the tools of so-called science and reason. We believe, like the world, that reason is the highest form of thought. And for the world, it is! But not so the sons and daughters of God. Reason is the roadblock to heaven.

I am voting for the loss of reason, the riches of Egypt (that signifies the world), and for the gain of the smoke and thunderings of Mt. Sinai.

I am voting for the fear of the Unknown God instead of the familiarity of the All-Known God, who is only man deified.

I am voting for the God who so loved the world that He gave His only son, instead of the God who so loves me that He is at my beckoning call to provide for me.

I am voting for that same God who is coming full of wrath to execute judgement on those who reject Him, instead of the so-called God of the New Testament (as opposed to the God of the Old Testament!), who has now only a love that seems to look the other way and doesn't take sin that seriously, at least not our sin.

I am voting for the God of Mystery, who seems such a contradiction that men are divided by His parts, (Some say He is sovereign, others say man has free will. Some say He is a God of Love, others say He is a God of Wrath.) instead of the God of Logic, Who is so well known that He is hardly really necessary, whose novelty has worn off so much that we go from fad to fad, from gimmick to gimmick, from 'faith' to 'faith'.

I am voting for the God of Miracle, who delights in accomplishing the impossible and sits in the heavens and laughs at men, instead of the God of technique, Who can be manipulated as men are, with emotions, reason, and intimidation.

I am voting for the One, specific, true God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, (Who has chosen and earthly people and a heavenly people and still has plans for both), the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, instead of the General, Vague God who allows for a Faith that changes with the winds of culture and allows for men to use Him for their own prosperity and progress.

I am voting for the God of the Narrow Way, instead of the God of the Broad Gate; the God of Time and Eternity, instead of the God of Expediency; the God that Requires, instead of the God that I require of; the God Who disciplines His true sons, instead of the God who winks at his bastard children.

Spiritual Vacuum

There will not be a void in the life of a person or society. If one thing does not fulfil us, we will quickly find something that will - for now. I am not a man concerned with society per se, but I am concerned with the responsibility of the Church in affecting that society. There is a difference. If I am concerned about society my standard of morality will hinge on my perception of society's need. The ultimate 'good' of society will determine the measures I am willing to take in order to accomplish it's good. That may mean that I compromise my personal standard of morality if it is perceived as expedient to society as a whole. That I might break a 'small' law in order to preserve the image of society's 'good'.




If I am concerned about the responsibility of the Church in affecting society, my standard is altogether beyond myself. It has to be given or acquired from something outside of my own sphere of existence. 'The ultimate good' does not fluctuate with the ebb of human desire or the flow of human morality. Concern for society proper allows the man to adjust or modify the standard of requirement according to what is necessary. Concern for the Church's effect on society insist that the man becomes subject to The Standard of Requirement at all cost - even of his own life.




So what can we expect of a society where the Church has failed to provoke or inspire the reality of our claim? Do we even know what we really are claiming when we call ourselves 'Christian'? I think the fact that we don't even consider our responsibility shows already that we have failed. Don't we know that there must always be decision? When the Church represents itself on Sunday morning to society, don't we know that not one person we come in contact with leaves the same as they came? The decision is made. They leave either drawn a bit closer to God or driven a bit further from Him. They forever change. Eternity is touched by Time.




If a society sees that we have failed them, they feel fully justified in turning to an alternative that they believe will not fail them. It's not that people angrily attack Christianity, but they do just casually acknowledge it and accept it, for now, and go on to their own thing. It is so stagnate that the Requirement is never made. By tolerating the 'failure' they gain a sense of self-righteousness that releases them from any further consideration of Christ. This is the responsibility of the Church; to effect their local community by demonstrating the reality of who Christ really is. The condition of the community will be a reflection of the witness of the Church. The condition of the local society will be a reflection of the Christian community within it.





Where the Church fails the community, it leaves a vacuum. The failure of the Church in this area is evident by the many "outreach organizations". There are prison ministries, shelter ministries, battered women ministries, and a whole host of other ministries that can function and do function quite apart from the Church. These organisations, by whatever banner they operate under, are something other than the Church. They fill the vacuum created by the Church's lack. Then churches just attatch themselves to these para-church organizations anf feel they are fulfilling their social requirement.



If we judge the validity of this point based on the apparent effectiveness of it's working, (who cares how people are helped as long as they are helped?) then there will be little more to say to such a one. But if the Glory of God is the standard by which all things are measured, then we are at least responsible to consider this point. I would not say that you have to agree with what I am saying, but you do have an obligation, if it be God's Glory that you're concerned with, to consider, try, and weigh the things I am presenting, even if it is only to rightfully dismiss them.

History has shown what will happen in a spiritual vacuum. Look at Germany. Hitler was a man elected into office, the Germans were captivated by this charismatic character. This is no slight at the German people, they were the ones failed by the German Church; Catholic or Lutheran. If there had been a spiritual vitality to either of those churches Hitler may have had a bit more of a challenge, if he wasn't prevented at all. Look at America today; what direction are we heading in? Is there a void of true spirituality? A lack of the true Christian Faith? What will be the consequence of this lack for Society? If there is a vacuum it will be filled...

I know this article is only raising the issue of the problem, at best. I don't know what the answer is on the large scale, for America as a nation. I only know that I can act for my locality, and seek to be the greatest expression of Christ to those I run into daily. Maybe I can be like one of the men who inspired a Calvin or Luther or Bunyan, we don't know their names on Earth, but Heaven is well aware of these men who probably had no idea what they were contributing to, but were just seeking to be an expression of Christ. The alternative is to a man who inspired a Marx or Stalin or Hitler, who all had contact with the 'Christian' faith in their younger years.

I don't think there is an in between.